Friday, May 10, 2013

Perspectives on Mommyhood

I have said my thanks repeatedly to the millions of women (and men) who work to be great moms, aunts, grandmothers, fearless leaders, and outright goddesses.  Now, I want to reflect on my own experiences of motherhood.

Being a mom is hard.

I don't believe it will get easier with time, with a partner, with a village because when night falls, you are still alone with your worries, fears, frustrations, and pleas to God Almighty to alleviate that burden.  Not the burden of smiles and laughs.  Not the burdens of growth or new development.  Sometimes...SOMETIMES, not even the tantrums.

But the worry.  The worry if your child is being cared for by good people while you are working your azz off from 9-5.  The worry that your child is safe at school (odd that is a worry but I pray every time I drop off LadyBug at preschool).  The worry that you have done all you could to provide for that child financially, nutritionally, spiritualy, and given them the best educational foundation money can buy (yours or the tax payers).

But the worry doesn't stop will worry if your kids have good friends that won't pressure your kid to be stupid or do something stupid. You work if your kid is a bully and because you were bullied or were shy, your child now lacks empathy.

The worry grows but because your child is an adult, you pray and just hope.  My family suffered a loss nearly two years ago where a distant relative lost a child and she still worries.

I know four years ago, when I was pregnant with LB, I worried for the future.  Now I enjoy the present and let the worries consume me only when necessary.  I say that because of the following:
  1. Two children under 5
  2. Toddler with a broken leg with a full lower body cast in don't what hell is until you bath a small child in a body cast by holding her over a tub or scraping off dead skin.
  3. Having a boy...that should speak for itself.  
  4. Having a daughter...also speaks for itself
  5. Toddler with severe food allergies
  6. Being your child's advocate at school
  7. Potty training...again you don't know hell until you go cold turkey potty training in SUMMER.
I know I know..."But you have AA"...yeah but he is more concerned about things of the ecclesiastical nature more so than that of the domestic which I have steered to respond..."you can have your Monday-Wednesday God nights but Thursday and Fridays we are together".  It does and doesn't work.

Then a certain someone...who lives at 13700...told me a great peace of advice...


Not in the literal sense but as in start back at one...YOU.  Since 2009, I can honestly say that I have been lost and caught up with my kids...I mean look at these lil people.

But at the same time, I needed to redefine myself, hence the chop and the list in 2012.  I am proud to be their mom but in 20 years, I want them to be proud to be my children.  I don't want my children to say that while I fought like hell for them, I didn't fight for myself.  Because at the end of the day, we are just a reflection of the women who raised us and I want them to recognize and exemplify strength, respect, love, faith, knowledge, and hard work.  

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