To wrap up – I will end with the letter I purposely left
out…V.
Velma L.T. died November 11, 2012 in Birmingham,
Alabama. She was also my
grandmother. She was a remarkable
woman who had seven children and raised ten. Known for her quiet strengthen and fierce attitude, she
invoked fear and love in her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and
great great grandchildren.
Remembering her for the qualities she didn’t have to exhibit still
brings tears to my eyes as I write this memorial.
About fifteen years ago, my grandmother began forgetting
things like turning on a stove, how to turn on a car, where her keys were
(usually in her hand). Sometimes
whole conversations stopped abruptly.
For a long time, my mother and my aunts couldn’t understand what was
wrong. Then my oldest aunt decided
to have my grandmother tested for Alzheimer’s and she tested positive for the
symptoms of the disease with dementia.
Bama Boy came to live with us because my grandmother – our ladybug-
could no longer care for him. This
lead to serious issues with Bama Boy’s mom who took for granted to proximity
her children were to her while she battled addiction…another post another
time.
Anyhoo, my mom and her sisters gathered and took turns
caring for her. They watched her
slide from being talkative to being mute.
Grandma evolved from being quiet woman to a woman who was combative at
the drop of a hat. Her meals lasted
hours because chewing took time; bathroom breaks included diapers and
bedsores. It was not pretty but
they rallied, we as grandkids supported where we could, and we carried on as a
family.
Last October, I got the phone call from Momma Sense that I
knew would be coming – Grandma was nearing the end. It was painful as I was at work and then had to muster a
full presentation and then seek out my supervisor and explain the details of
situation. When she passed, I had
to let a deep breath and sit in the corner for a while. Traveling home was difficult but I had
to rise to the occasion and sending her home (because a funeral isn’t a good
bye just we’ll meet again) was beautiful.
That last goodbye reminded me of the woman who stood out in a picture
and in a crowd. Grandma really put
forth idea that woman, a lady, was someone who made sure things were in its
place, you acted right, and spoke with authority.
I draw from that inspiration as I proceed through life. I can only imagine raising an army of
kids, some of whom were sent to schools that were under a desegregation order,
and maintain a sense of calm the entire time. One of my aunts went to school with one of the four girls
killed in the 16th Street Baptist church bombing…what do you say to
your child about those events? Or
worse, maintaining calm when you and your family went to church every Sunday with the fear that you could be next?
Another quality that I realize she had was forgiveness even
when it is not expressed overtly…her father abandoned her family when she was young. My great grandfather was not a nice cat;
he cheated and abused my great grandmother. His departure left my great grandmother broke (in the great
depression, I might add) and the kids without a father…my grandmother later
developed a distaste of chickens because it was her job to kill them, pluck
them, and cook them (when you’re broke, you do everything to survive). My great grandmother passed away and my
grandmother grew up and married my granddad. Many kids later, my great grandfather reappeared and asked
my grandmother for help as he was dying.
My grandmother cooked, cleaned, cared for him in his last years. I am not sure if she truly forgave him
but she did take care of her father which to me looks like she did strive to forgive him.
I named my Lady Bug after her because I knew that, even in
the womb, this child would be fierce like my grandmother and trust me she
is. Funny, cute, and stands
out. You should see her class
picture – the only child smiling.
In any case, she inspired me to revisit this project this year. To sum up as I did in 2009, I want to
recall the quote from Carter G. Woodson:
If a race has no history, if it has
no worthwhile tradition, it becomes a negligible factor in the thought of the
world, and it stands in danger of being exterminated. - Carter G. Woodson
Thanks for reading…
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